Finding Music

FINDING MUSIC:  ♪

“Good Morning, Mom!”

She looks at me, but doesn’t register the fact that I am speaking to her.  In her eyes is a far away look.  Maybe she’s not quite ready to “wake up.”  I grab my banana and sit down at the table to eat with she and my dad. 

My dad.  He has taken pain-staking efforts to provide her with a healthy breakfast. Hopefully she’ll actually eat it.  Some orange slices and a piece of toast; finger foods are simplest. Utensils are highly over-rated, anyway. His continued devotion to her is a moving life lesson in itself.

“So how did you sleep last night, Mom?”  Her eyes shift, she smiles a little, then looks at my dad to provide the answer.

With a light note of sarcasm in his voice, dad responds, “Not bad, except for the 5 times she got up to wander.”  This strikes her as funny, and she starts to chuckle.  We all join her.  What else can we do? 

**Flashback** Mom throwing together a lunch for dad as he gets ready to head out the door for work.  Leftovers---I remember thinking “I’m glad Dad gets those, because then she won’t make me try to eat them for dinner.”  My siblings probably agreed.  Mom was always so efficient and ready to get the morning going.

She picks at her breakfast, sometimes dozing in her chair at the kitchen table. She stirs as the kids come up to eat.  Soon she’s watching in amusement. Or is it bemusement; this part of the day can be chaotic. They seem to have an affect on her mood, and she becomes more aware.  Kylee (12) sees Meme is looking a little “lost” and reaches out for a hug.  Meme loves hugs!  The other kids follow, and soon she’s grinning.

As my kids start their “chores and getting ready for the day” routine, Mom disappears up into her bedroom.  Dad’s gone outside to work on our 5 acres—his freedom!  He’s a farmer at heart.

 After helping the kids with a few things, I run up the stairs to check on Mom, only to find her dancing around the room to the non-stop stream of music.  Today it’s some of her favorite music.  The Sound of Music!  Who can resist Maria with the “Hills Alive?”  We love the effect of music…when it works.  We aren’t always so lucky.  It’s a good morning.

Mom has always LOVED music. 

**FLASHBACK**  Becky taught piano lessons, led music, loved to ballroom dance, and required all 7 of us to sing together on road trips.  “This Land is Your Land,” and other patriotic songs are forever etched into my mind.

Now that magical meter of music is still magnificently medicinal for her mediocre mind.  And with the use of my awesome alliteration, I will make it known that Meme, Mom, Rebecca, BECKY, is still Finding Music!

For Memorial Day 2017, my sister, Camille, is singing with Mom…one of her all-time favorites, “My Country 'Tis of thee”!  The video can be viewed via the following URL on Camille’s Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/37mill/videos/10156314179719698/

Finding Becky

Finding Becky

Becky is my mom.

My non-stop, project-seeking, geneology-loving, grandchild-adoring, devoted mom.  Well, that's who she used to be.  Time has a funny way of seeping into the cracks of life, and turning everything upside down.  While vestiges of her former self still remain, she has been mortally ravaged by forces out of her control.  Dementia.

Have you ever felt like life isn't fair.  Well, it's not. I remind my kids of that often for good reason. And for the record....this disease simply isn't fair.

My mom has dementia; a disease that steals life.  Draining. Haunting. Unforgiving. Dementia.

BUT...... this blog isn't about what she's lost, what I've lost, what my kids, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, and friends have lost.  This is about what we've FOUND.  And of equal importance, what she's found.

Becky, or Rebecca (depending on when in life you met her), has always been a whirlwind force for good.  She met and married Jay Crowther at age 19, and began her family.  Her dream had always been to have a dozen children.  She made it more than 1/2 way, with seven amazing children, the middle, of course, being the most favored.   Hmm-mmm.  Anyway, her seven children and 22 grandchildren have been the center of her energetic life for almost 50 years.

Around 2006, when we started seeing signs of forgetfulness (more than the usual variety) at the age of 59, we all had an inkling of what was ahead.  Her father had Alzheimer's.  Maybe hers was inevitable.  We hoped beyond hope that this seemingly early onset would not  play out completely for many years to come.  But time seeped rapidly into her mind, and here we are, entering stage 7 dementia just a few months before her 70th birthday.

As I continue this blog, details of my amazing mother's life will flesh out.  But as a beginning point, I'd like to share a video of when Mom FOUND a much needed friend in herself just over a year ago. The discovery of herself in the mirror brought a few realizations to me.

First, we were entering a new stage of this disease, and it was heart-wrenching, and a little alarming.

Second, there was humor to be found in the moment.

Third, now that I think about it, not just humor, but JOY!  This was a day when Mom found JOY. And for that reason, I let the joy permeate.  I may be one of her caretakers, but she's still the one teaching me.